How to Spend the Holidays with Your Relatives, Friends, or Significant Other (Or Not)

The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, peace, and love. But let's face it, they can also be a time of stress, drama, and misery. Especially when you have to spend them with your relatives, friends, or significant other. Whether you love them or hate them, you can't avoid them. Or can you? 

In this blog post, I will share with you some tips and tricks on how to survive the holidays with your loved ones, or how to ditch them altogether. You can thank me later.

Relatives

Relatives are the people who share your blood, but not necessarily your interests, opinions, or values. They are the people who will judge you, criticize you, and embarrass you in front of everyone. They are the people who will ask you annoying questions, such as "When are you getting married?" or "When are you getting a real job?" or "When are you getting a life?"

Here are some ways to deal with them:

•  If you have to visit them, bring a gift to make them happy, or at least shut them up. For example, a bottle of wine, a box of chocolates, or a muzzle.

•  If you have to host them, make sure you have enough food, drinks, and entertainment to keep them busy, or at least distracted. For example, a turkey, a keg, or a karaoke machine.

•  If you have to talk to them, avoid topics that will trigger arguments, such as politics, religion, or money. Instead, talk about something neutral, such as the weather, sports, or the latest gossip.

•  If you have to listen to them, nod and smile politely, but don't take anything they say personally or seriously. Remember, they are probably drunk, senile, or both.

•  If you have to escape from them, make up an excuse that will make them feel sorry for you, or at least guilty. For example, a headache, a stomachache, or a heartache.

Friends

Friends are the people who share your interests, opinions, or values, but not necessarily your blood. They are the people who will support you, encourage you, and compliment you in front of everyone. They are the people who will ask you fun questions, such as "What are you doing tonight?" or "What are you drinking tonight?" or "What are you wearing tonight?"

Here are some ways to deal with them:

•  If you have to visit them, bring a gift that will make them laugh, or at least be surprised. For example, a gag gift, a prank gift, or a re-gift.

•  If you have to host them, make sure you have enough food, drinks, and entertainment to keep them happy, or at least amused. For example, a pizza, a cocktail, or a board game.

•  If you have to talk to them, share topics that will spark conversations, such as hobbies, movies, or music. Instead, avoid topics that will bore them, such as work, family, or health.

•  If you have to listen to them, nod and smile genuinely, and take everything they say positively and sincerely. Remember, they are probably your best friends or at least your only friends.

•  If you have to escape from them, make up an excuse that will make them understand and respect you, or at least not hate you. For example, a prior commitment, a personal emergency, or a sudden illness.

Significant Other

A significant other is the person who shares your heart, but not necessarily your mind. They are the person who will love you, kiss you, and cuddle you in front of everyone. They are the person who will ask you romantic questions, such as "How do you feel about me?" or "What do you want from me?" or "Where do you see us going?"

Here are some ways to deal with them:

•  If you have to visit them, bring a gift that will make them feel special, or at least appreciated. For example, a flower, a jewelry, or a poem.

•  If you have to host them, make sure you have enough food, drinks, and entertainment to keep them satisfied, or at least aroused. For example, a candlelight dinner, a champagne, or a movie.

•  If you have to talk to them, express topics that will show your feelings, such as love, gratitude, or admiration. Instead, avoid topics that will hurt their feelings, such as exes, flaws, or doubts.

•  If you have to listen to them, nod and smile lovingly, and take everything they say seriously and respectfully. Remember, they are probably your soulmate or at least your date.

•  If you have to escape from them, make up an excuse that will make them trust and forgive you, or at least not dump you. For example, a work call, a family visit, or a friend in need.

So, there you have it. Some tips and tricks on how to spend the holidays with your relatives, friends, or significant other. Or not. Because sometimes the best way to spend the holidays is by yourself. You don't need anyone else to make you happy, or to make you miserable. You can do that all by yourself.

What do you think? Would you rather spend the holidays alone or with someone who makes you unhappy? 😊

Leave a comment below and let me know. And remember to subscribe to my blog for more outrageous, and funny, posts.